


An exercise

by melonbutterfly



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-07
Updated: 2009-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonbutterfly/pseuds/melonbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris' secret-keeping-skills: fail. Zach's Chris-assessing-skills: fail. Their relationship: win?</p>
            </blockquote>





	An exercise

**Author's Note:**

> _It seems to me, Golan, that the advance of civilization is nothing but an exercise in the limiting of privacy._  
>  Janov Pelorat in Asimov's Foundation's Edge

"Dude, I love you," Chris slurred, then giggled as Zach dumped him on the bed.

"Yes, yes, I love you too," Zach replied, vaguely amused, and pulled off Chris' shoes.

"No, I mean like, _really_ love you. Like…" Chris waved his hand a little, visibly trying to bring his drunken brain into order while trying to figure out what to say. "Like, I want to suck your cock." Zach froze and looked up, only to find Chris' eyes fixated on his crotch like he could see him through his jeans. "Like, a lot. Right now. Annnd I want to fuck you."

"That's not love," Zach replied carefully, wary.

"Yeah. But I want you. Forever. Onnnnly I never say so 'cause I can't keep a secret for shit." Chris was still waving his hand, but had stopped staring and was now looking at the ceiling, looking like he was pondering the mysteries of the universe (or Zach's cock, and wasn't that a thought).

"You managed to keep this one rather well, actually." Zach knew he sounded doubtful, but Chris was totally drunk and probably wouldn't even notice.

"'cause that's me. Never told anyone. It's not something that happens, it's just something that is." Suddenly, Chris didn't sound so drunk anymore. "But nobody tells me a secret ever, because I just… spill it. Accidentally. 's not my fault." And then he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning, it seemed like he didn't remember a thing; he didn't act any different even after he had almost completely gotten rid of his hangover, and Zach didn't quite know what to think. Drunks couldn't, didn't lie was the saying, but how true was that?

Well, he wasn't going to find out unless he asked, so he did just that.

"Chris. You told me something interesting yesterday."

Chris looked up from the magazine he had been flicking through. "I did? What was that? Man, I can't remember half of the evening, I was completely sloshed."

Zach leant forwards, an intense look in his eyes. "You told me you loved me and that you really, really want to suck my cock. And fuck me. And that you just never said so because you believe are unable to keep a secret."

For a moment, Chris looked panicked, but then he visibly resigned. "Well, that's kind of true. I mean, I know how much your privacy means to you, and I just know I'm going to trip over myself and spill it in some interview, if we started anything. You won't believe how hard it was for me to keep quiet about all that stuff from the movie we weren't allowed to tell."

"Really." Zach leant over, invading Chris' personal space. "But you managed. And you also managed to keep that from me. You see, Chris," he leant even closer and Chris licked his lips, nervously, "I happen to really, really want you to suck my cock. And for you to fuck me." Chris opened his mouth, but no words came out, so Zach continued. "And I happen to love you as well, and I think it'd be ridiculous of us to not start a relationship when we both want to."

"Uhm." Chris licked his lips again, and Zach was so close that he almost licked Zach's as well. "Er. Yes?"

That was the start of their relationship. Approximately two weeks later they told their families, then their friends; then they went to film the second movie and no one got to them anyway. Afterwards, there were a few interviews, but they mostly got needled about spilling some spoiler, and Chris, a little practiced with that already, mostly succeeded in keeping his mouth shut. It gave Zach the completely false impression that he had exaggerated when describing his problem.

Then came the press tour for the second movie, and with it countless of interviews—and Zach's impending heart attack, or at least he firmly believed so.

Chris was a chat, and more often than not he talked without thinking first, at least when he was asked unexpected questions; he was a little scared of long silence in which people waited for him to speak, and that was going to be their demise, Zach just knew it.

The first time Chris almost outed them was because the interviewer asked if they had any problem with how many scenes together they had in the movie; after all, they had to spend a lot of time together because of that and were bound to get annoyed with one another sooner or later.

Chris was visibly horrified at the idea, and a few seconds later Zach was too, but that was because Chris exclaimed that, "No, no way! He never annoys me, we wouldn't be together if he did, would we?"

The interviewer blinked and asked her first spontaneous question. "Together?"

And that was when Chris' actor-gene kicked in; he blinked innocently and said "Yeah, we're best friends; we naturally spend most of our time together. If we went on each other's nerves we wouldn't, would we?"

Still looking vaguely confused, but satisfied with that answer, the interviewer nodded and continued with a question about Kirk, and Zach managed to calm his heavily pounding heart down.

The next time was when some interviewer asked for the most embarrassing incident that happened during filming, but not on set; Chris answered as quickly as if he had prepared for that question and said "That was when Simon and Karl stumbled in on us when Zach showed me how to, er, knit. Yeah."

The interviewer looked astonished and turned to Zach. "You knit?"

Scowling inwardly, but keeping his face perfectly calm, Zach managed to spout some lines on how calming it was, like meditation, peace of mind, time to think and practical to top it off, blah blah blah. He was going to _kill_ Chris.

He didn't, because Chris was so apologetic and miserable that he didn't even succeed in staying annoyed with him; it would have been like kicking a puppy, or at least it felt like that. It also felt like that the next time, when Chris explained that Zach needed no tattoos because he had three moles in the form of Orion's belt on his- er, leg. Only to promptly blush crimson when the interviewer asked to see them and Zach had to fumble to explain that uh, they weren't really visible anymore because he had had to shave his legs for a scene (which he hadn't, a fact that some people would doubtlessly notice) and it had all grown back. Right. It continued to feel like that after that interview where Chris had told the interviewer that, no, Zach indeed did not curse at all, unless during- er, when he was doing something technical. Zach would have loved to interrupt him (everyone already thought he was slightly batty because he knitted, he didn't need them to think he was crap at handcraft too) but he knew that'd be like a giant sign for everyone that Chris was indeed almost spilling secrets; if both of them acted like nothing important had happened, they could claim innocence later. That their friends and those in the know were almost crying with laughter every time they saw such an interview was no help either; neither were the comments they felt necessary to drop; things like "if I were you I'd gag him next time" or "letting Chris talk has the same effect as you two moving into the Big Brother house would have had".

Yeah, right. But the worst was how bad Chris was actually feeling for it; Zach couldn't exactly tell him that it was okay or fine, because it wasn't, but he also couldn't really be angry with him because Chris had told him this was going to happen and he had just not believed him. And Chris was honestly miserable.

The logical solution, Anton explained to him one evening over a drink of hot dark chocolate, was going public. If there was no secret, there was no chance of Chris accidentally spilling it, and no reason to invent crazy stories about Zach.

Which, unfortunately, was completely true. He knew Chris was doing this only for him; Chris himself wouldn't have minded outing himself (and Zach, and their relationship) if it weren't for Zach's privacy-rule. It wasn't something Chris was smarting about or that he minded; in fact, he just didn't care. _Zach_ was the one who did.

Zach thought about that for days. He just didn't like his personal things being discussed in public; be it his choice of underwear, meals, pets, or lovers. He had seen the way some people really got no rest from the paparazzi and tabloids; some of them enjoyed it sometimes, but mostly, it was just horrible. And he was proud that he had managed to protect himself and his personal space so well until now.

Until Chris.

The other solution, the one Anton had only mumbled with a sharp glance that seemed to say 'don't you dare', was ending their relationship. Because then there wouldn't be anything for Chris to spill either.

Except that wasn't an option; it was sacrificing something important (so important it was almost terrifying, sometimes, if it weren't so great and so _right_ ) for them, for the public and the press; it was carving in to the pressure, but for all the wrong reasons.

So Zach decided to carve in to the pressure for better reasons, and into the other direction. Anton was right, and Chris was miserable and all in all, Zach did find the situation kind of amusing, which was a clear indication that he didn't mind as much as he might have minded two years ago, and wasn't that just perfect irony? Two years ago there hadn't been anything to hide and he had still protected it furiously, and now that there was, he was ready to sacrifice his privacy for the sake of it.

What was the saying? 'Don't keep a secret for the sake of the secret'? Something like that.

Chris looked absolutely terrified when Zach sat him down to talk, and it made Zach feel really bad.

"Calm down, baby, I just need to tell you something," he said and took Chris hand, but Chris didn't look appeased in the slightest, though he seemed to be trying to look like it. "So, I thought about this a lot," Zach said and vaguely gestured with his free hand. "And about how hard a time you're really having trying to keep us secret."

"Zach-", Chris started, and he even sounded terrified, and his hands were shaking; it was clear he was thinking horrible, wrong things, and Zach quickly let go of his hand to cup his face. "No, Chris, no; I'm not breaking up with you, calm down."

Chris lowered his gaze and took a breath, and Zach rubbed his thumbs over his cheekbones (and god, how he loved them). "I was trying to tell you that it's alright, that we'll go public."

"What?" Chris looked up, confused and clearly not quite comprehending.

"I thought about it a lot, and there's really just two ways to solve this problem; option one is to go public, option two is to break up. Both have the result that there's nothing for you to spill anymore. It wasn't really a choice, once I thought about it."

Licking his lips, Chris blinked. "So let me get this straight. Instead of kicking me out, you decide to instead terminate your most important principle, the one you have been adhering to for years, way longer than you even know me?"

"Uh, yes." Zach tilted his head. "That's not exactly the way I looked at it, but essentially that's it."

Chris shifted and said, in the same voice as before, "I have a lot to say to that, but actually it's kind of irrelevant and I really really want to suck your cock right now."

"I'm not stopping you," Zach smirked.

Chris licked his lips.


End file.
